如果我们还在一起

如果我们还在一起,三十天后就是我们的两周年庆了。

因为那时你的室友见鬼了,所以你一个人留在住处的那晚,我自告奋勇去陪你。那晚你拉着我的手问我:“从今以后让我陪伴着你,好吗?”

我们在大家完全没有预料下开始,然后在一年半后分开。间中的心情起伏和对你的日渐依赖,这段深刻记忆,是无法言喻的……当一切都变了质,当沟通不足以让彼此更了解,在我们都忘记当初要陪伴对方的约定,当我们都伤痕累累无心再为这份感情作任何努力时,只能放手。

这段时间,恨过你、放纵过自己、尝试喜欢他人,然后懂得享受自己一个人的日子……
如果生命,是不断流转推移轮回的过程,这一段人生,只是间中多么短暂的片刻!如果生命中存在着那么多苦,这段分离,只是一个小小苦啊!这一路你让我清楚,长久以来内心的孤苦不安,是无法用爱情治愈的,是无法因为对你的依赖,而有所减轻的。
世间诸可乐,无事可依怙……
如果我们今天还在一起,那只会是如果的事,和今天没有关系。^_^


对叶子而言,发梦是一种生活创意,一些小惊喜,和窥探自己潜意识思想的途径。


诡异篇:

在医学系第一年的时候,叶子住的宿舍离上课的地方要走上十分钟的路程,可是自己一直有赖床或迟到的问题。记得有一次又差点睡迟了,突然很清楚地听到有人叫着我的名字,惊醒后看到两个室友明明睡得死死的。到底是什么“东西”在叫我?还是梦?不过很感激,要不是那把声音,或许那天又要迟到了……


悬疑篇:

刚离开小儿科部门的那个星期里,叶子不时梦见同样的场景:走进一个爱心之家,里头好多好多小孩子,有的天生有些缺陷,有些智障,有的是正常健康的孩子们……他们全都围绕在我的身边,带我穿越一间又一间的房间,拉着我的手,呼唤我跟上他们……好像要带我去什么地方,又或是要让我看什么,可是每每就在这时醒来了。


勤奋篇:

大考近了,老师要求我们每天都去病房,多加练习体检。一天下午叶子吃饱了在房间捧着大肚睡午觉(刚好下午没课,甚是偷懒好时光)梦见自己在病房里很勤劳地练习体检病人。前前后后体检了三个,而且还是很好很特别的病例呢!醒来后压根儿没有因为午觉太长而感到内疚,毕竟觉得自己至少在梦里勤劳了。哈哈……


惊恐篇:

一样是午觉,发生在结束全部posting后,开始为大考准备的一天。叶子的温书进度实在是一号牙(gear)的速度,可是那天下午还是睡着了……梦本来好好的,就是开开心心地在弹钢琴,一下又这里走走那里看看。突然坏小孩(Dr Lim)出现在梦里,一脸严肃要骂人的样子,叶子直接从梦中惊醒,马上抱起书温习起来!



不知道有一天会不会也像他一样发这么高超的梦

Medicine

Original text is from Notes to the Class - First Day by Katharine Treadway, M.D

" When I was a third-year medical student doing my pediatric rotation, I was walking down the hospital corridor with my intern one night, making rounds on the reccent admissions. He stopped at the door of a patient who I knew was not on our service, but he said, ' I need to see this patient and her family. I know them because she hs been here several times this year.'

When we walked into the room, I saw a seven-year-old girl lying on a bed. She was brething the loud, liquid breaths I would come to know as the death rattle. Her skin wasbrilliant yellow, her abdomen massively swollen from the Wilm's tumor that was killing her. She had no hair-- the effects of her many bouts of chemotherapy-- and her limbs were stick-thin.

With her were her parents and both sets of grandparents. When we walked in her mother stood up. My intern walked over to her and put his arms around her, and they stood, silently, holding each other. After a few minutes, the mother stepped back and, looking at her daughther, at the unbearable scene before her, said, ' You know, I never thought I would want her to die, but I want her to die. Somehow, when they said there was nothing more they could do, I pictured her in a field of flowers and she'd just be gone. I never thought it would be like this.'

My intern taught me a profoundly important lesson that night. Many docors would have walked by that door because everything had been done. the diagnosis had been made, the correct treatment given, the complication appropriately treated, and now the girl was dying and there was nothing more to do.

What my intern taught me that night was that there was one more thing to do-- to go into that room and offer whatever comfort his care and concern could bring, to bear witness to the pain of that family. In the end, it was as important as anything else that had been done for that child. In the long years ahead, if you asked the mother what she remembered of that time, I suspect that one memory would be of my intern holding her. The lesson he taught me was that in the practice of medicine, the person you are is as important as what you know.

This is one of the extraordinary things abour medicine, I say: it is an intensely interllectual endeavor, demanding that you learn and understand an enormous body of information and that you constantly update that information as new knowledge becomes available, but it is also an endeavor of your heart. At the same time that you are learning abour disease and diagnosis and treatment, you are learning about illness, the patient, and yourself."